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Bucky Barnes X Reader(Chapter 13) All Of Me

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Warning: There is a little funeral scene in this and a couple of curse words I think. But apart form that, enjoy!



You refused to believe that he was gone. You refused to believe that he left you. You refused to believe that he abandoned you with his child. You refused to believe that he was dead, it wasn’t possible. You had gone through too much just for it to end like that, without saying goodbye or him not even knowing he was going to be a father. It seemed so unreal, like it was all just a bad dream. But what scared Natasha and Clint the most when you found out your finance, your best friend and your soul mate was dead, you did not shed one tear or even speak one word. They thought it was from shock but they were lucky you were wearing the bracelet, who knew what you could do with your powers in that state.  Only a couple of hours after you found out the two biggest life changing news of your life Fury thought it would be best to bring you back in a time of grief. The drive back was slow and painful. Natasha offered to sit in the back with you but you refused only shaking your head. The whole way back to New York you played with your engagement ring and you rubbed your stomach. It didn’t feel like a small child was growing inside you. It was Bucky’s child which made it all the stranger knowing that a dead man was the father of your child.
When you got back to S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters you noticed all the agents were giving you sympathy looks, but you ignored them. The Avengers were sitting in the meeting room waiting for your arrival. You walked in and saw them all, including Fury. Everyone sat close together with Tony and Pepper to your left holding each other’s hands. Bruce was beside Tony playing with his glasses in his hands. To your right was Thor and Steve, and the head of the table was Fury. Everyone was watching except Steve who looked down and broke down crying. Natasha stood beside and looked at you.
“Do they know?” You whispered emotionless.
“Know what?” Fury asked less agitated than he normally was. You stepped forward and took in a deep breath, you looked at Steve and his eyes met yours.
“I’m pregnant.” You saw everyone’s faces turn to pure shock except Steve who just sobbed in his hands.
“Are you sure?” Fury spoke slowly. You nodded your head turning back to Steve, he was still an emotional wreck. He looked up at you.
“I’m so sorry.” He sobbed. You looked up finally feeling the tears form in your eyes. It suddenly felt real, he wasn’t in the room sitting with everyone else. He was gone.
“You promised me you would take care of him.” You clenched your hands feeling the rage build. You looked at Steve clenching your jaw tightly.
“You promised me!” You screamed throwing a chair at the wall with strength you didn’t even know you had. Your legs gave way but Natasha caught you slowly lowering you to the ground as you broke down. The pain felt too surreal, too realistic, too much to take.
“He promised me he would be safe and not get himself killed! He fucking lied!” You broke down; you felt more anger than sadness. You felt betrayed. The two biggest promises that two people made to you were broken. Natasha started to shush you but it wasn’t working, you were a mess. You felt two strong hands pull you up and you looked up to see it was Steve. You punched his chest trying to get out of his grasp but it wasn’t working. You gave up and cried into his chest. His strong arms wrapped around you trying to make the pain stop, but nothing was going to stop the pain you were feeling.
------------------------------------------------------- Three Days Later-----------------------------------------------------
You were sitting in front of your dresser trying to cover up your drained pale face. Today was the day of Bucky’s funeral and all became too real. The last time you saw him was in a hospital bed but he smiled at you before you left. You hoped that face will never fade from your memory. You had a pictures of Bucky taped to your dresser mirror. It was taken a trip to the beach in one of those photo booths. You were pulling funny faces except from in the last two where he is staring at you with a look of love and the last, your kissing. It was strange knowing you were never going to hear his voice again. You were lucky and had no nightmares yet but that’s because you couldn’t sleep. Steve stayed with you in your and Bucky’s apartment since you got back. Bucky was his best friend and like a brother to him. You forgave Steve and apologised about what you said, but he knew you didn’t mean it.
You were dressed in a white button blouse with a tight knee length skirt and a black blazer with black high heels. You hated to wear black but it was suitable for a funeral. You did your hair in a tight bun not wanting to do anything else with it. You looked terrible. You looked drained, consumed and broken-down. You knew everyone feared the worst for you and you’re the baby. All the stress and lack of sleep could affect the baby badly. You knew the problems too but you couldn’t help the way you were feeling. You felt alone even though all of your closest friends were supporting you and you were going to have a baby in less than nine months. You were distracted by your thoughts when you saw a figure walk into the bedroom; it was Steve dressed in a suit. He looked worn down too with the lack of sleep but he didn’t look ill like you did. You escaped his gaze in the mirror by looking at the photos in the mirror again. You took it down and grazed your finger across it staring at Bucky’s smiled in every photo. You grabbed your purse and put the photo inside. You stared at the Stark’s prototype that had been permanently put on your for your safety and the others around you. Stark was lucky it worked so well, if you had it your way you would destroy a whole city out of anger.
“It’s time to go (y/n).” Steve spoke softly placing his broad hand on your shoulder. You looked up at him shaking your head.
“I can’t do it.” You whimpered looking down. Steve crouched down to your level.
“(Y/n) you are one of the strongest people I know, you can do this. Do it for Bucky.” Steve said trying to give you the boost you need to stand. You nodded your head and stood with Steve’s help. He led you outside where everyone was waiting. They were all dressed in formal black attire; it was becoming too real for you. You stopped and took a deep breathing feeling like you were going to throw up.
“I got you don’t worry.” Steve whispered putting his arm around your waist for support. You carried on walking step by step until you reached the cars where everyone was standing. They all gave you a sympathetic smile by accident, you told them not to do it but they did it with good reason. They wanted today to be a day to remember the good things about Bucky, not the bad. You rushed into the passenger seat of one of the cars before anyone could speak a word. You didn’t want to them, you hadn’t spoken to any of them apart from Steve since you got to S.H.I.E.L.D. Steve got in the driver’s seat and others took the other two cars. They knew you needed your space. When Steve started to the car and started to drive you felt a tight knot in your stomach which you couldn’t explain. You could even take steady breaths in; they came out sharp and quick. You clutched your purse on your lap looking dead ahead. You could see Steve looking at you now and then but you didn’t look back. You were just thinking of Bucky.
------------------------------------------------- One Year Before---------------------------------------------
Bucky handed himself in to S.H.I.E.L.D. and they immediately arrested him and started to interrogate without even a simple hello. Fury wanted to check you checked out as you had been missing for a month with a fugitive that did try to kill Fury. He even told you he thought you were dead. When the doctors said you were fine you made your way to the interrogation area where Fury was talking to him. Steve was watching still shocked that his best friend was alive. Steve eyes met yours straight as you entered the room.
“Told you I would find him.” You joked smiling.
“I thought you were dead. I thought Bucky killed you.” Steve snapped at you like disappointed parent.
“Actually Hydra tried to kill me and he saved me.” You replied standing next to Steve observing in the room. Bucky and Fury were sitting around a desk, Fury was facing away from you and you could see Bucky’s face. Two armed guards stood either side of Fury watching Bucky closely. You could tell Bucky felt threatened and you felt guilty by forcing him to turn himself in.
“Why didn’t you bring him in?” Steve questioned looking down at you. You met his eyes.
“Because he was afraid and he didn’t know who he could trust. But he trusted him and I helped him remember some things. He remembers more about you.” Steve looked speechless gazing back at his friend.
“You gave him a haircut?” Steve asked changing the subject.
“I thought it could trigger some sort of memory and he looks a lot nicer with short hair.” You laughed looking at Bucky through the glass. You looked down smiling about the incident after he had his haircut. You looked up and saw that Steve was looking at Bucky in disbelief.
“Have you even spoken to him yet?” You asked.
“No Fury wants to speak with him first, ask why he suddenly came out of hiding. He thinks he’s up to something.” You rolled your eyes as you were the reason why he came in, he wasn’t up to anything. You opened the door into the interrogation room and walked in stopping when everyone in the room stared at you.
“Sir may I speak with you for a moment?” You queried to Fury. Fury looked angry by your sudden interruption. You saw Bucky give you a small smile.
“I’m sure it can wait agent (y/n).” Fury sighed back.
“No it can’t wait sir.” You snapped back not regretting it after.
“Bucky turned himself in because he wants to help, he doesn’t want to be a bad guy anymore. He saved my life from Hydra and had has multiple chances to kill me and he hasn’t, that just proves my point. He wants to remember his life before the Winter Soldier he wants—” You were suddenly cut off by one of the guards grabbed your arm. You shrugged him off but then he grabbed you again more forcefully. Bucky shot up from his seat and pushed him off you into the wall. The other guard aimed his gun but you stood in front of Bucky.
“If you want to kill him you have to kill me first.” You snarled at the guard. Steve came bursting in the room nearly taking the door off its hinges. There was an awkward stare out between Steve and Bucky for a moment, neither of them saying anything.
“Stand down.” Fury ordered the guard. The guard lowered his gun and helped the other up who seemed winded.
“Bucky?” Steve finally said taking a step closer. Bucky took a step back wary; you saw that he was shaking slightly. You grabbed his human hand making him look down at you.
“It’s okay Bucky, its Steve. The person you spoke about to me. He was your best friend.” You reminded trying to bring the memories back. He looked back at Steve with a face of confusion.
“St…Steve?” He blubbered taking a step forward. Steve’s face lit up.
“Steve Rogers… My friend?” Bucky looked down at you. You nodded your head and smiled.
“He sure is.” Bucky stepped forward and stood in front of Steve for a minute.
“Um…Sorry for nearly killing you… I didn’t really know what I was doing.” Bucky apologised in a mumbled. Steve brought him in for a hug and Bucky soon complied hugging back.
“You do not know how much of a pain in the ass you’ve been.” Steve laughed. You were surprised by how Steve would use what he would call ‘bad language’ but he was happy, overwhelmed even, to have his best friend back.
-------------------------------------------------- Present Time------------------------------------------------
You were drawn from your thoughts were you felt a hand on your arm. You turned to look to Steve to see he looked like he was going to cry.
“We’re here.” You looked around and saw you were outside the church. You took a long deep breath in.
“Remember when you first spoke to Bucky after the Winter Soldier incident and you hugged because he remembered you?” You said smiling trying to think happy thoughts. You saw Steve smile for the first time since Bucky’s death. You weren’t sure if it was because you were smiling or what you told or both, but still, he was smiling. You stepped out of the car followed by Steve and waited until everyone parked up. You smiled at them all knowing that you were okay. They smiled back happy to see you were being strong. You walked inside first to be greeted by the funeral director. He was an old man with white hair and was dressed in religious robes. You walked inside and took your seat preparing yourself for all the pain you were going to be feeling in a short amount of time. You sat at the front on the right on the end wanting only Steve to sit next to you. You couldn’t keep your eyes of the dark wooden brown coffin that had nobody even inside. It had belongings of Bucky’s. Even the things Bucky got you in London were inside; even the letter he wrote, you couldn’t bear to keep them. But you did keep the engagement ring and still had it on. On top of the coffin was a large standing collage of pictures that you asked to be made. It had pictures of you and Bucky on there and even old photos of Steve and Bucky. It looked just how you imagined it.  He sat beside you putting his arm around you for comfort; you didn’t even realise you were crying until he wiped a tear away.
“I’m here okay? He whispered in your ear. You looked at him and nodded. Tony and Pepper sat beside Steve. You looked behind you to see Natasha directly behind you next to Clint, Bruce, Thor and even Jane was there. You must have missed her when you were at the cars. Fury sat the row behind them next to agent Hill. Then Sam Wilson walked in dressed in a suit, you didn’t know he was coming.
“He wanted to come and pay his respects.” Steve whispered into your ear. Sam went to sit at the back but you didn’t want him to.
“Sam.” You whispered loudly getting his attention. You gestured your head to the front and pointed next to Natasha who budged up for you. You saw Sam gulp and quickly walk to sit next to Natasha. He smiled at Natasha but looked away immediately. He obviously had the hots for Natasha. You laughed silently to yourself for the first time in what felt like forever. But then you turned to the front and saw the coffin and collage of pictures again. It hit you like a brick, a stab to the heart and a bullet to the brain. It now really sunk in, he was gone. You felt like you were having a panic attack, you couldn’t breathe and felt like you were going to throw up. You put your hand on your stomach, it felt like the baby was reacting to your emotions, or the baby was making your emotions worse. That was a symptom of the pregnancy.
“You okay.” Steve leant in covering his hand with yours on your stomach.
“Yeah I’m fine, it’s just pregnancy symptoms.” You didn’t want to Steve to worry. The funeral director walked to the front and stood behind a stand. You were drawn from the funeral directors speech straight as he started to say that God was watching over him. You and Bucky weren’t believers of God and the funeral directors words meant nothing to you. You just started to think if Bucky again.
-------------------------------------------------------Ten Months Before----------------------------------------------------
You were coming home from a hard day’s work; you were coming home to Bucky. You opened your apartment door and saw that all the lights were out and candles were lit everywhere.
“Bucky?” You called getting no response. You shut the door and dropped your bag by the door. You were pleasantly shocked by the surprise for no particular reason. Then suddenly music started to play from your CD player, you knew the song anywhere.
What would I do without your smart mouth?
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out
You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down
Bucky’s head popped around the corner from your kitchen smiling.
“Hey beautiful, care for a dance?” He asked winking. You laughed and took his hand. He led you into the living you and twirled you before pulling you to his chest. He grasped one of your hands while the other settled on your lower back. Your other hand pressed on his shoulder. You took small steps as the song carried on.
'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh
You smiled up at him as he kissed your forehead still doing small movements. Then he suddenly started to sing along.
How many times do I have to tell you
Even when you're crying you're beautiful too
The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood
You're my downfall, you're my muse
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues
I can't stop singing, it's ringing, in my head for you
Bucky wasn’t the best singer by he still sounded like an angel. He had a soft tone as he sung the words. But you could tell by his eyes he meant every single word. Then as the next chorus kicked in he picked your up and twirled you making you laugh as he pinched your sides.
'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh
He put you down again and he kissed your forehead. You lowered your hand from his shoulder onto his chest feeling his drumming heart beneath your palm.
'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
you’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you
You didn’t make it to the end of the song before you stood on the heels of your feet and connected your lips to his. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him down.
-------------------------------------------------- Present Time---------------------------------------------------
“(Y/n) are you feeling alright?” Steve asked pulling you out of another good memory.
“Yeah I’m fine.” You said looking back at the funeral director.
“Now time for the eulogies.” He spoke sitting down to the left on the empty side of the church. You didn’t even know who was going to do a eulogy. You certainly knew that you and Steve were but you were surprised when Tony, Bruce and Thor stood up and walked to the stand. They all stood in a line and Tony stepped forward first putting a piece of paper down on the stand.
“I didn’t know James for a long time but he became a loyal friend. He was a true fighter. He fought for what he believed in. He fought for the people he loved and never gave up. I know for a fact that he affected every single one of us in this room. James will never be forgotten.” Tony took a step back and then Bruce stood forward pushing his glasses back more onto his face.
“James had a strong will. Through all of his rough times he always came back, stronger even. The thing I noticed with James is that he put everyone first. I had never seen so much fearlessness in a man until I met him. He was a good man. James will never be forgotten.” Bruce stood back and lastly Thor stood up.
“We lost a mighty comrade, a man of strength and heart. James always protected those close to him even if it put himself in danger. I had never seen a man filled with so much passion and love for one person in my life.” Thor glanced down to you.
“James will be terribly missed by all. James will never be forgotten.” The boys all sat down in their original seats. Natasha poked your shoulder and you turned to see her crying. She handed you a tissue and you turned back around and wiped your tears away. Steve hugged you and walked up to the stand.
“James was more than a friend; he was a brother to me. We went through so much together that…it’s hard to explain how someone could affect your life. Before I was Captain America Bucky stood by me and told me never to give up…and I never did. Watching him fall off the train seventy years ago was enough…And getting him back again just to be cruelly taken…” Steve started to sob and he leant on the stand. He dropped his head trying to get the will to speak again. He raised his head again and you saw his cheeks were drenched in tears. It broke your heart.
“Bucky told me he was with me till the end of the line…I just hoped it wouldn’t be yet. James Buchannan Barnes will never be forgotten.” Steve took a breath in and walked back and sat beside me hugging me.
“I guess it’s me now.” You whispered pulling out from the hug. You took a few seconds to compose yourself and walked to the stand.
“Bucky was the greatest man I had ever met. He was loyal, caring, and loving. He changed my life in so many ways. He saved me so many times more than he thought he did. He made me feel like the luckiest girl alive, and I was. Every day I was with him I will treasure always in my heart. I feel that we went through so much that it shouldn’t end like this…” You looked at the collage of photos.”
All the time I spent with him wasn’t enough for a lifetime… I still need him, now more than ever. But James Buchannan Barnes will never be forgotten because his legacy hasn’t ended.” You looked down at your stomach. You broke down crying bowing your head.
“You can’t be gone because you promised you would be safe and you wouldn’t leave me.” You covered your face with your hands not wanting to talk anymore. You walked to your seat and cried into Steve’s chest. You didn’t leave Steve’s chest until the coffin had to be buried. Steve almost picked you up off your feet and gripped your waist not wanting you to fall. You felt like your heart was being ripped from your chest. It felt like a horrible nightmare.
“Natasha can you take her?” Steve asked. She must have agreed as you felt a smaller arm grab your waist. You finally had to life your head as you saw the Avengers lifting the empty coffin. You followed behind them now being comforted by Pepper also. You walked to his burial spot and they lowered him in. It was now set in stone, he was dead. When the coffin was completely covered by dirt you saw Steve walk up to you but you stormed off in a fit of anger and hate. You hated Bucky for leaving you like this, in this state. When you mad it to the car someone grabbed you by the arm twisting you to face them. It was Steve glaring down at you with his puffy red eyes.
“I want to go home.” You whimpered tears spilling from your eyes.
“Is she okay?” You heard Natasha behind Steve.
“I’m going to take her home. It’s too much for her.” Steve replied putting you in the passenger seat. Steve got into the driver’s seat and started the car.
“You know I will be here for you through everything right?” Steve asked. You turned to him and nodded. You couldn’t speak right now. He started to drive and you finally calmed yourself stopping the tears. You got yourself back to normal breathing and looked at Steve who was concentrating on driving. All of a sudden you had a sharp pain in your side making you wince.
“(Y/n) you okay?” He asked quickly looking at you taking his eyes off the road. You saw he wasn’t looking and looked on the road to see someone standing in the middle of the street.
“Steve!” You shouted making him brake. You came to a sudden stop. You looked at the man who was instantly familiar.
“Oh my God.” Was all that you could say. You couldn’t believe it. He was standing there with his Winter Soldier mask on with the full uniform and most importantly the red star painted onto his metal arm once again, it was Bucky. You got out of the car and took your high heels off. You started to run towards him, he looked shocked by your approach. And then you saw the gun in his hands making him stop.
“Bucky!” You cried raising your hands. Bucky aimed his gun at you and you thought it was the end, until Steve attacked him from the side knocking the gun from his hands. They started to fight and you were frozen in place. The love of your life who you thought was dead was in front of you fighting his best friend in his Winter Soldier attire. It was too much too take in at once. You felt like you were having a panic attack, you could hardly breathe.
“Bucky stop!” You screamed as you saw him about to give a nasty blow to Steve’s face. He looked at you; his eyes were the only thing of his face that you could see through his mask. But his eyes were enough for you and you could tell he had no idea who you were. His mind was wiped, again. You heard footsteps from the side approaching you making you turn. It was a Hydra soldier. You tried to punch him put he grabbed your arms and injected something into the back of your neck. You fell to the ground and started to lose consciousness. You could faintly hear Steve shouting your name but you couldn’t reply. You couldn’t even keep your eyes open. You fell into darkness.
You woke on a cold floor. You opened your eyes to find the room was terribly bright. You looked around to find all the walls were made of glass. One glass wall had a walkway on the other side. You felt a tightening grip around your neck to find Starks first prototype placed there. You noticed on the left and right glass walls were other cells, and the one to your left held an unconscious Steve. You ran to the glass and banged on it trying to wake him but he wasn’t responding.
“Well well look who’s up.” You heard a strong Russian accent say. You turn to see a woman, a man and Bucky standing on the walkway watching you.
“Who are you?” You asked watching him carefully.
“My name is Stefanie Azarov and this is Tankarov Yakovich.” You looked at her with shock, you knew that last name.
“You met my father not long ago; he gave you your powers. And then you killed him.” She had a deadly look in her eye.
“But you cut off one head, two more shall take its place, and I plan to finish my father’s work.” You looked at Bucky who still had his mask on, his eyes showing you all his emotion, there was none.
“Bucky.” You spoke staring at him hoping for a response.
“It’s me, it’s (y/n) your fiancé.” You tried to make him remember, make him remember something. He took his mask off showing the stubble that had grown on his face. But still he didn’t respond
“I’m afraid he doesn’t respond to that name anymore, you can call him The Winter Soldier.” Tankarov spoke deeply.
© 2014 - 2024 Shelby-Dobson
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